Me And My Fat

Although my mom says I only started gaining a substantial amount of weight at about 12, I can’t remember a time that wasn’t on the larger side. My teen years were spent alternately cursing my weight, and stuffing my face with any sweet treat I could get my hands on.

I wanted to burn this grade 8 graduation photo of myself because I felt so big. I was probably a size 8. I had no clue what was to come.

 It doesn't help that my family has a history of being plus size, and that I'm still learning to take care of myself. I try, but not usually hard enough. I REALLY like to eat and I REALLY DON’T like to exercise. It’s been a long battle of gaining and losing the same approximately 50 pounds. I spent much of my teenage years hanging out with my family, the only people who didn’t make comments about my weight. I was unaware that if I put myself out there, I could find real friends who didn’t care what size I was, who liked me for what really made me me, my personality. In fact, it wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I met an amazing woman that I now get to call my best friend, Jesse, that I understood that there were people who weren’t related to me who loved me for me. 

Headed out to have the most amazing time at Jesse's bachelorette party!

We went out shopping, and to the pub, and she even set me up with the guy who ended up being my first boyfriend. For the first time, I felt confidence, and I didn’t worry, or even think, about my weight. That friendship made me feel like I was on top of the world. Coincidentally, during that period, I actually lost about 20 pounds. I felt better than ever. But because life happened, in that way it does, leaving little time for exercise, or full healthy meals, I gained it back, and then some. Away from home, my family and best friends, dealing with the stress of my first full time job in years, where I sit at a desk every day, I hit a high of 235 pounds last year. I’ve slowly been been whittling it down (when I weight myself this morning, I was 213), but I still have to go to work, and bus to and from home, which leaves me sitting for roughly 12 hours a day. It’s not easy, but I’m working on getting more active.

In the meantime though, I’ve been left with an excess of fat that’s gotten quite comfortable hanging off of me. The other day, I was watching a YouTube video from Lucy Wood, and she talked about people telling her she’s not fat, and how she is fat, because she has fat on her. That’s exactly it. I am fat. Because I have fat. That’s not me bullying myself. It’s just fact. I’ve accepted it. I fell in love and got engaged as a fat girl. I got a promotion as a fat girl. I have friends, and I go out, and I enjoy my life as a fat girl. I'm in awe of what my body can do. My legs are super strong, and get me where I need to go, and my arms can lift a ton. I'm full of zest for life, and some fat around my stomach doesn't change that!

The love of my life, Poya, and I

My fiancé cannot understand that I say I’m ok with my fat. He thinks saying I’m ok with it means that I don’t want to lose weight. That I’ve given up. That’s not it at all. But I’ve spent years being exhausted by the thought of how much I weigh, and how I can change it. It consumes my mind. I’m over that. As long as I’m eating moderately healthy meals and going for a walk every day, then I say good riddance to worrying about it. I don’t have a goal weight any more. I just want to feel as good and full of life as I can. I’m ready to be free.

I'm still new to this loving myself thing. Let me know in the comments below if you have any tips for body acceptance!

Weight Watchers and Me

For me, Weight Watchers was always something that my aunt, mom, and grandma used intermittently, with no real plan, beyond general weight loss, and I don’t remember them actually going to meetings or being really actively involved. I do remember being fascinated by this booklet my mom had that listed the points value for a bunch of different fast foods. My weird goal was always to try to find the food with the highest points value. I didn’t realize that the goal was for it to be low.

Fast forward to me at 27 years old. I was at 224, just ten pounds below the highest weight I’ve ever been at. I work in an office, and all I did was bus to work, sit at my desk, eat a bunch of snacks, get up, bus home, eat an incredibly unhealthy dinner, and lay in bed until it was time to go to sleep. My clothes were too tight, my breathing was more labored by the week, and I was constantly breaking out. In general, I felt like garbage. About a month before, my aunt had rejoined Weight Watchers, and had been having some success. I figured I didn’t have anything to lose, so I decided to join as well, on February 1^st of this year.

Let me tell you that this is not your mommas Weight Watchers. Whereas before, I thought it was all about restriction, I now realize that it’s about making weight loss work for you. I routinely eat chicken nuggets and fish fingers, spaghetti, fried rice, and garlic butter smothered veggies while on WW. I’ve simply found ways to make what I like work for the plan. Instead of eating store bought chicken nuggets and fish fingers, I crust them in a little bit of bread crumbs and drizzle them with a tablespoon of margarine, and for spaghetti, I just spaghetti squash instead of pasta.

I’ve also learnt to eat the things I want, but in moderation. I love to eat green beans in garlic butter, but now I’m actually paying attention to portion size and using probably a third of the garlic butter. I’m also exploring low calorie desserts, such as this great fudge brownie frozen yogurt that’s sold at FreshCo (for Canadians). I get the same great flavor as a big bowl of ice cream, for way less points and calories, as long as I stick to the serving size. Another great tip is to stir chia seeds into low fat yogurt. Let it sit for a few hours, and the yogurt thickens, leaving you with a super low point, but still thick and delicious, yogurt.

Being a WW member has also made me more aware of fitness. There’s no point in eating really healthy, then staring at Netflix for hours. I might as well get out and make diet and exercise work together for optimal results. I’ve been walking more, and trying to do a bit of yoga. I plan on adding in bike rides once the snow is gone, along with tennis, which my fiancé loves, but I haven’t gotten that into yet. I also got a new Fitbit, and it really helps keep me accountable with my steps.

All told, I’ve lost 14 pounds, and I’m feeling great. My pants fit a little looser, I’m feeling more awake and alert, and I’m having a great time coming up with new recipes, and finding ones online. As I write this, I’m waiting for a friend to come over for a dinner of chicken and shrimp skewers with a side of roasted brussell sprouts and pan fried green beans, followed by Jell-O sundaes and a walk. My favourite sites for healthy and WW recipes are skinnytaste.com  and www.drizzlemeskinny.com  . Both have been great sources of inspiration on my healthy eating journey.

I’m going to leave you with one of my all time favourite Weight Watchers recipes, which my grandma has been making for as long as I can remember. Let me know your favourite healthy recipe, or healthy lifestyle tip, in the comments below!

WEIGHT WATCHER'S KEY LIME PIE

INGREDIENTS

·         1 reduced fat graham cracker crust

·         1 (1/16 ounce) package sugar-free lime gelatin

·         ¼ cup boiling water

·         1 (8 ounce) container fat-free whipped topping

·         2 (6 ounce) key lime pie yogurt

INSTRUCTIONS

1.    In a large bowl, dissolve gelatin in boiling water.

2.    Stir in yogurt with wire whisk.

3.    Fold in whipped topping with wooden spoon.

4.    Spread in crust.

5.    Refrigerate for at least 2 hours.