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| Not my image - just perfectly explains how I've been feeling |
Wow, it's been awhile.
Life is hectic and not gonna lie, my stress and anxiety were really getting the better of me for a little while.
Let me catch you up to speed.
My anxiety was really getting me down for awhile. I was feeling really down over so many aspects of life. I was feeling anxious about my relationship, myself, my work, finances, my friendships from the past. Basically life in general.
On top of that, my aunt has been fighting a very long battle with cancer. It's been a roller coaster for her health. I'm really sad to say that we all think the end may be coming soon, which is so heartbreaking. One thing about me is that I do not do well when people are sick. I can't stand to see someone in pain or not be themselves. It makes me feel terrible.
We went in to visit one day and honestly, I had to leave the room before I had a full on panic attack. Seeing her there like she was, made my head spin and I felt so sick.
I don't know if anyone else feels like that, but I feel guilty for going out and having fun when I know someone we love is suffering. It doesn't feel right. Not only is my aunt suffering, but the whole family is too. My mom and all of her siblings are having such a hard time with this and doing all that they can.
What makes it extra hard is that almost exactly a year ago, we went through the exact same thing with my boyfriend's aunt. A year apart, we're reliving the same thing.
To make life a bit harder, one of our cats is sick too. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am so emotionally attached to my pets.. it's probably not the healthiest. The vet doesn't know what's wrong with her. Somehow the pathologist couldn't decide if it was a bladder infection or a tumor. Those are very different things - how could you not tell the difference? She's on antibiotics but they don't seem to be helping.
I'm scared that we're going to lose both of them. It's making me feel so anxious and stressed and sad.
So for the past two months especially, life is not being the kindest to us. I'm not going to lie, I've spent a lot of time feeling sad and crying and having breakdowns. I'm trying my best now to do what I can to look after myself as well.
Like the lyrics in the image say, I feel like I've been tested. I'm determined to come out on top though.
I'm going to try my best to post content on here for you guys because it really does help me feel better.
If anyone else is going through a rough time, my heart goes out to you. It will get better for the both of us in time. That I'm sure of.
If anyone ever needs to talk, feel free to email us and we would be glad to listen.
Talk to you soon,
